I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
