Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just gift wrapped bread.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
