sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
