Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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