Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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