im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
