I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize