Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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