I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
