Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
