Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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