She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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