he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
