Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
