I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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