I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
