i will never coherently bang her
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
