If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
