I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
