Just fell off a train. Bad.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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