she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
