just survived the first fart of the relationship.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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