Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
