i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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