Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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