Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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