may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
