He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
