you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
