I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
