nut hugger
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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