I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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