i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Randomize
