This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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