In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
