fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
