just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
