I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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