gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
