and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize