I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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