that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize