By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just saw a hot homeless man
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
