so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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