i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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