were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
