my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
