He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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