S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
