I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
