I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When are your genitals available?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
