My nipple is on Facebook.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
