I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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