someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
