Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
