how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
