I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize