i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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