..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize