I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I intend to get homeless drunk
God, you're like boner-b-gone
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
