this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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