dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
