You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
