Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
