doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
