we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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