fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
